Remus Lupin And The Melodramatic Mary Sue
by Werewolves-Oh-My
Summary: Emilia Florence Ophelia Luciana Girravaldi was spectacularly beautiful, funny and stunning. So why wont Remus Lupin fall madly in love with her? RLSB


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**Don't take the following seriously; its just a bit of fun! I don't own anything you recognise; I am, however, the proud owner of Emilia Florence Ophelia Luciana Girravaldi. If it bears any relationship to one of your characters, I'm sorry; I'm as guilty as the next person of the occasional Mary Sue (see early fan fictions by myself for more details).  
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Emilia Florence Ophelia Luciana Girravaldi was no ordinary teen. With her long, flowing curls and crystalized eyes, she looked like a model. But have no fear, despite her outrageous good looks and low work ethic, Emilia continued to receive 'O's in the 48 subjects she studied at Chicago Town's Institute of Higher Learning for Exceedingly Talented Witches. Her life was perfect; she was popular, sporty, intelligent, beautiful and spunky. People loved her, and she loved herself.

However, upon her 16th birthday, her life was turned upside down; something SO tragic and devastating happened that to tell you would torture your poor miniscule brains beyond belief. Left alone in the world, Emilia ran, calling upon her Great Uncle's ex-boyfriend, Albus Dumbledore. Overjoyed to hear from his favourite ex-great niece, Dumbledore demanded that Emilia join his school of magic and wizardry. Never able to deny an old man's request, Emilia accepted, and on the morning of the 1st September 1976, she brushed her long luscious locks and slipped on her too short sexy skirt with extra panache, knowing today was going to change her life.

Despite it being 1976, Emilia was from overseas, so her music taste was _so _advanced and ahead of the UK. She slipped her iPod headphones into her ears and put on a Black Eyed Peas album. Staring out of the taxi window, the landscape flew by, traffic moving swiftly despite it being rush hour in London, and they reached Kings Cross in a matter of minutes from central London.

Climbing out of the taxi with cat like grace, Emilia stretched, getting several appreciative wolf whistles from passers by. Sighing at her own beauty, Emilia went to collect her bags, before an attractive stranger offered to help. Never one to turn down a helpful offer, Emilia smiled, picking up her excessively beautiful cat Desdemona. Scratching the cat behind its ears with her perfect nails, she looked upon Kings Cross station and smiled. "Oh, Desdemona, this next year's going to be so much fun!"

Taking her bag back from the stranger with an amazingly soft kiss on his blushing cheek, Emilia looked towards the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10. Her magical senses told her this was an entry point for the Hogwarts train, so fearlessly she strolled towards the wall, pulling her bag towards behind her with unmitigated strength.

The Veela in her blood - from her grandmother - smiled as she strolled through the barrier, enjoying the magic pulsing through her veins as she reached Platform 9 3/4. Her teeth sparkled at the beautiful steam engine in front of her, before she picked up her bag once more, stepping onto the train.

People left and right begged that she entered their compartments, but she ignored them all, knowing exactly who she was looking for.

Her mother, a master of Divination, had prophesised that were she to meet an ashy haired half human whose name began with R at Hogwarts, they would fall madly in love and conquer the world, defeating the evil Lord Voldemort and world hunger and the oil crisis. Of course, her only previous correct prediction was that the cheese would be off before dinner, but Emilia didn't let that stop her.

Hours of stalking and studying had narrowed this mysterious 'Mr R' down to just one person in Hogwarts. So, with her everpresent smile still plastered on her face, she looked for a group known solely as 'The Marauders'.

Finally hearing rambunctious laughter emitting from a cabin, Emilia grinned, running into the compartment with a smile. Inside, sat four men and one girl, cuddled into the side of the man with glasses. Glancing around the room, she spotted Remus with a gasp, and threw herself into the seat next to him, forcing the boy next to Remus to shuffle along with a huff of annoyance. "Remus!" Taking his large, manly hand into both of her small, feminine ones, she smiled at him, waiting for the inevitable skip that Remus' heart would take.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Remus asked politely, attempting to take his hand back subtly. Finally letting go, Emilia was thrown forward by the movement of the train, right onto Remus' lap, where she grasped around his neck and didn't let go. Over the girl's head, Remus and Sirius had a furious silent conversation, until eventually Sirius seemed satisfied with whatever Remus had 'said'. Finally leaning back, Emilia smiled, stroking his face with one of her tiny hands.

"Only once upon a dream, Remus!" She grinned heartily, sliding off his lap with a sigh. Taking his hand in hers once more, she smiled at the girl and the bespeckled boy, before throwing a quick glance at the blushing boy sat in the corner. "Oh, we're going to have so much fun this year!"

The other girl smiled oddly, biting her lip to prevent a burst of laughter leaving her mouth. "Yes we are." She stated slowly, taking a deep breath and smiling naturally. "I'm Lily Evans." Lily introduced herself amusedly, leaning forward to shake Emilia's hand.

"I am Emilia Florence Ophelia Luciana Girravaldi, soon to be Lupin." Emilia smiled, ignoring the panicked look on the face of the man next to her. Lily scoffed quietly, disguising it with a cough. "My mother, before her death, prophesised that were I to meet an ashy haired half human whose name began with R at Hogwarts, we would fall madly in love and conquer the world, defeating the evil Lord Voldemort and world hunger and the oil crisis." Emilia stated in a hushed voice, placing a hand on Remus' knee. The odd brooding boy in the corner growled, slipping over to the window seat so that he sat opposite Remus.

"Oh." The be-speckled boy stated, grinning. "Well then, you and Remus best fall madly in love, then." He grinned at Remus. "I'm J-"

"James Potter. I know." Emilia stated enigmatically, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "And I'm assuming Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew?" Sirius raised an eyebrow, but said nothing whilst Lily smirked and Peter blushed harder, flattered that this image of beauty knew his name.

"Well, you seem to know all about us." James stated amusedly, trying desperately to give the beautiful girl the benefit of the doubt. "But we know nothing about you..."

"Well, what is there to tell? I'm 16, but I'll be entering seventh year due to how advanced my skills are. At my old school I was Prom Queen, Valedictorian, Head Cheerleader and Captain of my year's sports teams. I'm fantastic at Quidditch, and enter Beauty Pageants in my spare time when I'm not socializing." Emilia smiled, cueing lots of blinking from the cabin's other occupants. Leaning closer to Remus, Emilia smiled, batting her long eyelashes sexily. "Tell me about yourself, Remus."

"Err..." Remus bit his lip, throwing a worried glance at Sirius, who seemed torn between amusement and annoyance. "I, er, like studying?" Sirius snorted, and Emilia was overwhelmed by how unappealing the personality of the attractive, brooding man was. _I'm so glad my Remus isn't like that. _Snuggling into the man's side, she ignored his rigid posture and dragged his arm across her shoulder.

"Oh for gods sake, this is getting stupid." Lily muttered, and Emilia's brow creased in confusion.

_She most likely feels threatened, I must go out of my way to make her feel worthy of my company. _"I love your hair, the colour is truly spectacular." Emilia stated in a chipper manner.

Lily smirked at James subtly, before standing up."Thank you!" Lily stated in an overly chopper voice, flicking her hair behind her shoulder dramatically. "I'm going to go and get my robes on. You guys have fun here..." She smirked once more, wiggling her fingers at Remus amusedly, and patting Sirius on the head with a smile.

"So, Remus, what names do you like for children?" Emilia asked, stroking his arm seductively.

"Right, that's it." Sirius stood up, pushing Emilia from Remus' side and dragging Remus off his feet, pressing Remus' body entirely against his own. Leaning forward quickly, he covered Remus' lips with his own, crushing them together in a dominating, claiming kiss.

Emilia gasped, diving across the compartment to cower behind James. "James! Sirius is attacking Remus, you've got to help him! James! Sirius has clearly gone insane. James! DO SOMETHING!" James smirked, trying to avoid looking at his kissing friends (really, he didn't need that mental image) and ignoring the girl behind him.

The pair finally broke apart, smiling at each other lightly as Sirius placed an affectionate kiss on the end of Remus' nose. "Mine."

"Yours." Remus agreed quietly, taking Sirius' hand in his own.

"Remus, oh, Remus! Are you alright, my love?" Emilia asked desperately, clinging on to Remus' arm suddenly and trying to drag him away from Sirius. "Don't worry, I'll talk to Dumbledore and see if we can't get this awful boy expelled for -"

"Look, girl." Sirius growled, throwing an arm over Remus' shoulders. "I'm not entirely sure where you think you get off with this holier than thou crap, but you're not going to be getting off on my Remus, thank you very much."

"I think what Sirius means, Emilia, is that myself and Sirius have a rather nice, established relationship, and would appreciate it if you did not try to disturb our marital bliss." Remus stated, tucking a strand of hair behind Sirius' ear.

"But the Prophesy said you must fall madly in love with me!" Emilia cried, her ever present smile wavering for a second as her large blue eyes filled with tears. "It said a beautiful ashen haired half human whose name began with R would fall madly in love with me at Hogwarts, and we would battle evil and conquer the world together! How can we do that if you are with _him!"_

"I'm not the only half human in Hogwarts whose name begins with R..." Remus stated thoughtfully, glancing at Sirius' frown, before his eyes widened in realisation. "And his hair is usually ashy..."

"Yeah, after he's blown something up..." Sirius muttered under his breath. Emilia was oblivious, clapping her hands in joy.

"What is his name? I must meet him!" She exclaimed, overjoyed as Sirius scribbled the name on a piece of paper messily. "Is he as beautiful as the prophesy stated?"

"That and more." Sirius nodded, patting her on the shoulder in what was most definitely not a patronising manner. Snatching the parchment, she went over to Remus once more, sighing at their lost love.

"Oh Remus..." She sighed, holding her hand to his face lovingly. "What we had was magical, but I'm afraid its time to move on..."

"I understand." Remus stated as solemnly as possible, elbowing Sirius as he scoffed. "It was nice to meet you... err..."

"Emilia Florence Ophelia Luciana Girravaldi." She stated with a smile, waving her fingers coyly. "It was lovely to meet you all!" She walked out of the compartment, twirling casually before swanning down the corridor.

The four marauders sat in silence for a few minutes, none quite believing what had just occurred. "Well, that was..." James started, confused as to what to say.

"Interesting." Peter piped up, blinking intensely.

"We can only hope Rubeus Hagrid has more luck than I did." Remus grinned, squeezing Sirius' hand lightly.

"She can get off with the great squid for all I care..." Sirius smiled, wrapping his arm around Remus once more. "Emilia Florence Opiate Longitudinal Gonorrhea best stay away from my Remus, else there'll be war."

"On the other hand, she was pretty perfect..." Peter stated monotonously. The other three occupants of the compartment looked at him incredulously, and he held his hands up in defeat. "I'm just saying you could have had a pretty good relationship with her..."

"Yeah, pretty good, Pete." Remus nodded, much to the annoyance of Sirius. "But, you can't improve on perfection." Remus grinned, leaning over to kiss Sirius once more.

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**Review, Please? :)Once again, the above was designed to be taken with a pinch of salt, sorry if you feel 'insulted' by it in any way!**


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